I’m tired 

There’s a DNAInfo story and the Pix11 coverage. I’m not sure where this media coverage is going and I’m not sure if the intention of this blog is being conveyed.

I wanted to alert people about the creep in Fulton Street as well as make it known that our police may not be well equipped to assist victims of sexual offenses in the subway.  I also wanted to raise awareness about how often this happens to people and how often we’re expected to just accept it as a condition of living in the city. We’re asked to fend for ourselves and to not be surprised when we can’t get the assistance we want.  We’re told to be vigilant on our daily commutes and to be the perfect likeable victim when crimes are committed against us.  We’re expected to be patient and understanding that there are so many creeps in the city and so many cases and we’re just one of thousands of cases the NYPD is working on, despite the attack being personal and a daily stain on our psyche for at least the next few days.

By not engaging in a conversation with me to explain to me that an investigation is in fact happening and that my report will being taken seriously, I can only find out what’s happening through NYPD spokespeople who have answered the media’s questions. It makes me second guess my instinct and wonder if what happened to me wasn’t serious, even though the sick feeling I have in my stomach when I think about it confirms that I was violated and that something awful did happen.

I’ve spent the past few hours feeling pretty lousy about this whole thing and more like I should just shut up. I feel tired of my own anger and desire to speak out and I suppose by not engaging me, the NYPD is hoping I’ll just go away.

And, well, it’s working; I feel like I’ve made my point and there are no more points to make. I was violated, reported the incident per the MTA recommendations, received lackluster assistance that left me with unanswered questions and uncertainty about what would be done, still don’t have a copy of my report, and am getting drips and drabs of information about my incidence from the NYPD via the media. I’ve been ignored and the push I tried to make against the system has left me feeling worn out and discouraged. I feel as though I have been told my place in the world and on the list of things law enforcement cares about and it’s not very encouraging.

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